Last night a rain storm swept through the city removing most of the remaining leaves from their branches. From my bedroom window I look down at the soggy sidewalks covered in fleck of gold, yellow and orange. The branches are almost barren, looking skeletal and gray, matching my mood. It is hard to believe that almost six months has gone by from when I looked out the same window holding my newborn baby and the leaves were newly spouted and a brilliant green. It is as if the seasons know that my time at home with Annabelle is almost over.
Today I trained our nanny and it was harder than I expected. Not so much the physical training, but watching someone else do with Annabelle the daily things I hold so dear. I am already worried. Will our nanny be good enough? Will she sing to her and make her laugh? Will she spend time with her teaching her colors and shapes? Will she read to her, and encourage her to love books? Will she play with her on the floor and make sure she gets strong? Will she love her and keep her safe? I am sure she will, though not the same way I do. Tonight as I rocked Annabelle to sleep for her evening nap, I held her much longer than usual after she drifted off. How much I love those sleepy eyes, her little breath, the way her tiny body curls around me. How fast the time has gone. How I would love to have those same six months all over again. So far I am not a fan of the gray days.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
oh cath, it's the hardest thing ever. how soon do you have to go back? full time?
I'm sure your nanny will do all of those things you are wishing for and more, but letting go is very difficult. Give yourself space to mourn. Your bond with her is tight and will only continue to grow stronger. Going back to work will model to her that you are a bright and independent/ hard working woman. Time away from her also allows her world to open up to the knowledge, trust and love that comes from spending time with others too. Big Love- T
Post a Comment